The Secret Life Of Cats: 40 Comics That Put The Cat In CatastropheBy Abigail T
Pet owners know that certain things come with having four-legged friends around that only fellow pet parents can relate to. We are all curious to know what our pets get up to when we aren’t around — that’s why movies like The Secret Life of Pets were even made in the first place.
Some people are so curious that they buy pet cameras to keep an eye on their beloved furballs throughout the day. But there’s no need to spend money on a fancy camera to see if The Aristocats and Lady and the Tramp are accurate; cartoonist Scott Metzger has been making cat-centric comics for almost two decades. Join us as we explore what cats get up to when their humans aren’t looking.
All images are courtesy of Instagram/scottmetzgercartoons
Where did I barf?
Cat parents know that having a cat is the greatest joy in life and the bane of their existence—two sides of the same coin. While it’s nice to have a cuddle buddy on the sofa, unfortunately, one thing comes with cats: barf.
For some reason, cats vomit quite a bit. This isn’t great when you leave your cat home alone and expect to come home to a clean house. Imagine walking through the doors and lurking around, knowing something is probably hiding somewhere.
In this next cartoon, Metzger explored the idea of animals’ conscience. It’s a lot easier to believe that dogs have a conscience as opposed to cats for many reasons. As seen in this cartoon, the dog is dealing with immense guilt.
Meanwhile, the cat just outright does not feel anything. Maybe cats don’t even have a sense of whether what they’re doing is a bad thing. They live for themselves. If it’s good for them, then it’s probably a good thing.
It’s impossible to talk about cats without mentioning these two things: the Broadway musical and the song Smelly Cats from the hit TV show Friends. Smelly Cat is probably the most iconic song in pop culture to date. If you’re not reading this comic in the song’s tune, you’re doing it wrong.
Imagine if the roles were reversed, and the show was about a group of five cats. One of them is a musician singing about a human who stinks. It would probably be more of a hit with cats than humans.
Cats have exceptional hearing. If your cat is upstairs, and they hear you opening a can of any kind, they will most likely hear that sound. They associate that sound with their food can, so they will run to the source.
Sometimes the humans disappoint them, though. Instead of their favorite canned food, it’s just a can of corn. What cat wants to eat that? Leave the veggies for the birds and the guinea pigs! This cat wants his tuna mix.
Fellow cat parents will know that your cat will generally have zero interest in you unless you give them food. So the way to a cat’s heart is by feeding them what they like, constantly. Here’s proof that all they think about is food.
There is nothing more attention-grabbing than when humans open a can of tuna. That sound, and the intense smell that immediately wafts through the air, are irresistible to any household cat. You can bet they’ll be in the kitchen immediately.
Do you know how cats often wake you up in the morning by getting all up in your face? Where do you think they learned that from? Dogs would probably just sit by your bedside. Some may start sniffing you awake. But they wouldn’t smack you across the face.
Perhaps all cats learn how to become cat alarms by watching YouTube tutorials, the same way humans go on YouTube to learn how to fix a bike or put on makeup. Whichever cat started this behavior is responsible for centuries of inconvenience.
If you have pets, it’s helpful to understand more about how they behave. Animals can’t communicate through words, but they often convey what they’re feeling through their behavior. Here’s a quick guide to a cat’s behavior for those still confused.
A cat often perks up in attention when they hear you preparing food. When they’re irritated, it’s usually because there’s not enough food. When they’re predatory, they’re generally trying to take food matters into their own hands. And they are unlikely to be pretentious!
Unlike dogs, which are generally very active creatures, cats are known to just laze around the house. They move at a leisurely pace and have no regard for productivity, choosing just to eat and sunbathe as much as they can.
Even when a cat suddenly finds new motivation, they quickly lose it. Just like this cat here, who truly believed he had made a significant change in his life. But alas, that change was very short-lived. He was back to dozing off in no time.
Black cat support group
Many superstitious people believe that black cats are bad luck or a bad omen. They freak out when a black cat passes by and would never adopt a black cat as a pet. Without realizing it, humans have traumatized an entire generation of black cats!
Black cats deserve the same love that other types of cats get. They deserve a loving home too! Our behavior as superstitious human beings has sent this group of black cats to therapy. We really should be getting rid of this damaging stereotype.
WFH from a cat’s POV
Let’s take a time machine back to March 2020, when suddenly the entire world was forced to stay in their homes. Pets worldwide who were used to having the house to themselves during the day are suddenly faced with the reality that their humans would be around 24/7.
Imagine the surprise when Monday rolled around, and the human was still sitting on the couch behind his laptop. That’s the cat’s spot! Especially during the day! Cats the world over would have been very confused with this new arrangement.
Feline support center
Because of the unusualness of the situations, we can imagine that cats found the pandemic as harrowing as humans did. Wouldn’t it have been great if cats had a feline support center, a kind of therapy but for cats finding the pandemic difficult?
Here, Scott Metzger imagined what that would look like. Eddie here had phoned in with frustration because his human just wasn’t going back to work. He was probably wondering how long this 24/7 company would last. Little did we all know.
Do you know how a common stereotype of cats is that they will play with anything that dangles? Bringing that stereotype into this cartoon world, this comic places your typical cat in the event of his son’s high school graduation.
The tassels on graduation hats are meant to be moved from one side to the other as the graduate walks across the stage. But something tells us that this kid’s tassel isn’t going to last. If his dad can’t resist his feline urges, he will not have that tassel for much longer.
A cat’s dilemma
Because cats are always a menace, it seems that their brains are wired to either “evil” or “a little less evil.” There is no sense of what is a “good” thing to do. They’re just hardwired to cause chaos everywhere they go.
This cat actually has the choice to either knock the glass off the counter or leave it alone. But a broken conscience only gives him the option of gently shoving it off the counter or nudging it gently. Either way, he’s going to make a mess for his human to clean up.
Cat parents know this very well. Cats love to curl up on their humans’ laps. When they do this, their humans are rendered useless. There will be futile attempts to get the cat off their lap. At the end of the day, all responsibilities go out the window.
There’s really nothing you can do once your cat curls up on your lap. You can’t shove him off. You can’t wake him. He’s going to stay there for as long as he will stay there, and all you can do is readjust your entire schedule for the day accordingly.
Easy to please
As much as domesticated cats are pretty demanding in terms of food, they are still relatively easy to please. Give a bored cat a sock, a string of receipts, or an empty bag, and they will be occupied. Did anyone mention catnip?
Metzger imagines that the goody bags at a cat’s birthday party isn’t filled with anything. Parents just give away empty bags for the kittens to play with. What a budget-saving tip! If only human kids could be satisfied with the same goody bags.
A cat’s reality
Technology these days both astound and baffle us. We’re still trying to embrace the trippy concept of virtual reality, much less the metaverse! But imagine for a second that it’s your cat that is experiencing VR for the first time.
A cat’s reality is only as far as the things they’ve been exposed to. We hardly think they have the ability to imagine things! So this cat’s VR experience is pretty much just repeating what he experiences daily at home.
It’s annoying when cats barf on the floor, but at least you can clean it up quite quickly. The worst part of having cats is them choosing to hurl on the rugs and carpets in the house. When this happens, it’s pretty costly to get the carpet cleaned!
If you’re ever considering getting a cat, maybe put “rug cleaning” in the budget because you’re definitely going to need it. It’s almost like cats choose the finest, most expensive rug to barf on just because they can! Such rascals.
A cat’s schedule
While us humans are busy going about our days doing chores, getting work done, and taking care of our pets, the cats have their own schedule too. The only difference is that theirs is a lot less taxing than ours.
Just look at how many hours on that schedule are reserved for sleeping! And that’s in the middle of the day, too. Us humans can only be so lucky to get a nap time for that long, or even a nap time at all! Oh to be a cat.
Living in the present
The infamous quote goes, “life is a gift; that’s why it’s called the present.” Nobody knows this better than cats. If you have cats of your own, you’ll see that they’ll be thrilled just playing with a box or inside a box.
Christmas morning isn’t just fun for you and the kids. After all of those presents are unwrapped, give the unused boxes to your cat instead of immediately throwing them in the recycling bin. It’s like giving them their own gift!
How to be a lovable jerk
Remember when we said that the consciousness in cats gives them options to either be evil or slightly less evil? In this cartoon, Metzger tried to picture what makes them so. In addition to an inherent ignorance of right and wrong, cats could have been trained this way.
Instead of knocking the entire pot over, which would be disastrous and even low for feline standards, cats are encouraged to find the least chaotic evil. Knocking over the mug only means a tiny amount of coffee wasted and less stress for the owner.
Despite cats causing a mess all over the house, leaving hairballs, and ruining furniture, they’re pretty good at maintaining personal hygiene. They’re pretty low maintenance because humans don’t need to bathe them every so often. They really are constantly cleaning.
Sometimes your cat would just find you, sit in front of you, and start cleaning between his hind legs for no apparent reason. Like, do it somewhere private dude! Nobody wants to see that! It’s called personal hygiene for a reason.
Domesticated cats can get quite territorial with furniture and spots around the house. Once they’ve slept there once, they will usually come back to sleep again. But what they need to remember is that it’s your house and soda, not theirs!
Cats will do anything to get you to get up off that spot on the couch so that they can take over the space. Sometimes they will resort to Google for proper research. But you mustn’t let them get the better of you. Stand your ground and claim your spot!
Let’s be honest, cats only live for themselves. They very rarely consider how their actions will affect other cats or humans. As long as it benefits them, they will follow through with it. But don’t call them out on it, though.
Cats will be sitting on your face, and they’ll still think that they’ve done nothing wrong. They will keep sitting on your face because they like it at the moment, and even when you reprimand them, they will not care.
When cats watch human videos
When YouTube first started out, everyone could not get enough of cat videos. Cats falling off counters, cats falling asleep, cats chasing their tail around. It was a source of entertainment for a while. Now imagine if the roles were reversed.
If cats dominated the world and watched videos of humans on YouTube, they would be quite fascinated. They would see humans make tutorials for each other about getting their cats off the couch, thinking, “Oh, how adorable; we’d still have our way anyway!”
Aside from boxes, receipts are another thing that cats never seem to get enough of. Give them a ball of old receipts, and they’ll be occupied for the rest of the day, staying in their corner and allowing us to sit on the sofa, finally.
Kittens also like to chase things around. Whether that’s their tail or a long string of receipts, you can easily keep them occupied. The next time you return from CVS with a long receipt, don’t throw it away. Use it to distract the cats!
Another good descriptor for a cat’s attitude is “apathetic.” In fact, we’d argue and say that this is the best descriptor for a cat, in addition to lazy, selfish, and menace. There should be an award for Most Apathetic cat yearly.
We’re sure if this award show were open to human voters, cat parents all over the world would nominate their cats for eligibility. Cats really are the most apathetic domesticated creatures. But we still can’t help but love those terrors!
Once in a blue moon
Yes, cats can be apathetic and inconsiderate most of the time. But once in a while, they will behave in such a way that makes you wonder whether that’s even the same cat you’ve owned for the past three years.
Once in a blue moon, maybe prompted by the seasonal holidays like Valentine’s Day or Christmas, domesticated cats will suddenly seem to consider your feelings and reactions. It’s not that they don’t misbehave; it’s just that they choose the lesser of two evils on these occasions.
In or out?
Cats love to linger around outside. It’s all well and good until the human decides to lock the doors at the end of the night, at which point they will usually give the cat the option to either come inside or stay outside.
Sometimes cats just need a little more time to decide what they want to do! Here are a couple of cats complaining about how this human habit stresses them out in their decision-making process. What happened to that internal clock of theirs? Shouldn’t they know it is bedtime!
How to get into the room
As much as cat parents love their cats, there will be days when they want their privacy. Whether it’s to make a phone call, take a Zoom meeting, or just to take a nap, they will close the door on their cats.
Cats often don’t like this. They want to be in a lovely room with a soft blanket and cushions that are comfortable and scratchable. So they use this trick to get into the room, and they share this knowledge with other cats.
Cats on Halloween
Many pet owners go the extra mile and dress up their pets on Halloween. Dogs never really seem to mind. If anything, they’re always down for doing a group costume with their entire family. Cats, on the other hand, are resistant.
If you try to put clothes on a cat, even a Halloween costume, they will wriggle their way out of your grip and run away. There is no way they’re going out of the house, much less in a restrictive outfit.
Just like humans, cats also have their romance problems. This next cartoon by Scott Metzger plays on the stereotype that women say one thing but mean the complete opposite and the strains that can take on a relationship. We can’t help but relate.
Apparently, it’s all in the tail in the feline body language. The position and shape of the tail can make or break the communication. She may say she’s fine, but if her tail is puffy, that probably means she’s not okay.
If you have pets that you let free around the house, then you’ll know that your Christmas tree is never safe. In this regard, both cats and dogs are alike in that they will most definitely ruin the ornaments that are within reach.
To humans, this is aggravating. We have to buy new ornaments every year just because the cats keep breaking them. But to the cats, the Christmas tree with its twinkling lights and ornament debris around it is a beautiful sight to behold.
In the days of working from home, many people have been caught on Zoom doing things they shouldn’t be doing during classes and meetings. This is all because they forgot that they’re on camera or they didn’t mute their mic.
If cats had to go through the same thing, they would probably be caught cleaning themselves. Another possibility is that they’d forget their mic isn’t muted and end up coughing up a furball while the rest of the Zoom room listens in horror!
Special occasions call for special gifts. It’s essential to show that you care, whether it’s a romantic dinner date, a picnic at the spot where you first met, or just sending your significant other an edible arrangement while they’re at work.
Cats wouldn’t give their girlfriends flowers, though. They would probably ruin the petals before they have a chance to give the bouquet over. This is a little morbid, but a cat’s version of an edible arrangement would be mice hehe!
Emotional support pet
Sometimes, a professional will recommend humans to have an emotional support animal. More often than not, it’s a dog. But sometimes, people will opt for emotional support cats instead. The thing is, are cats ready for that kind of pressure?
Apparently, this cat isn’t! Poor Jessica. She got a cat thinking it would help her, but it seems like this cat will be nothing but a pain in her butt. Maybe she should consider switching this cat out for a dog.
When a family has young children and goes to eat at a restaurant, the parents will try to keep the kids occupied with toys or an iPad. If cats were to go through the same situation, what do you think the cat parents would give their kids?
It would probably be some crayons to keep the kids occupied. It’s not that they would use it to draw and color. They’d probably just knock the crayons off the table. Even if they used the crayons to draw, they would be drawing on the table!
It’s the box that counts
It doesn’t matter what the present’s wrapping looks like for most people. As long as they like the gift, they’ll be satisfied. They would usually throw the box and wrappings out after anyway. But that’s not the case for cats.
This cat doesn’t care about the chocolates inside. It’s the box that counts! She can play with the box and in the box all day long. Meanwhile, the chocolates go to waste. If they flipped the lid over, they would have two boxes to play with!
How to be a dog
Once in a while, Scott Metzger draws dog cartoons instead of cats. Here, dogs are shown riding in a car like a roller coaster ride at an amusement park. The only rules? Keep your heads and paws outside the vehicle at all times.
This is exactly what dogs do when they’re riding in cars with their humans. They have a grand ol’ time with their head hanging out the window and the wind blowing in their face. Don’t forget the tongue lolling too!
All my lives
Existential crises don’t only hit human beings. Scott Metzger imagines what it would be like if a cat was experiencing a major existential crisis and sought help in therapy. The thing is, with cats, they have to consider all their lives!
If you’re still not catching on with the joke, remember that saying that cats have nine lives. That means this cat has nine more existential crises to go. Once he resolves this one, another one will hit him in the face.
Fitbits are great for productivity and self-development. It helps us humans keep track of our progress and achieve short-term and long-term goals for our physical health. Imagine if cats had a similar device to help them with their own goals.
In Scott Metzger’s mind, this device would be called a Sitbit, for obvious reasons. It helps cats achieve a higher level of laziness with each day. It also lets cats know how to maximize their actions to annoy their humans thoroughly.